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More on the Most Important Safety Tip... Ever

Went to the doctor for my follow-up exam - thrilled to have made it two full weeks without putting anything in my vagina. Fortunately, because I followed the MOST IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP... EVER, my parts are healing up quite nicely... so I had to compliment my doctor on her excellent advice.

"You know, I thought your post-op instructions were awesome - I mean, there's no misunderstanding involved at all with: DON'T PUT ANYTHING IN YOUR VAGINA. I thought that was hilarious."

"Well, it's not a joke. You'd think when we told people not to have sex or use tampons for two weeks that they would have figured it out, but no, we had a woman who did some damage with a really large dildo. So we had to be very clear."

Ergo, anything.

"So what's the strangest thing you've ever found in a vagina?"

"Me?" she looked up from the modesty drape and thought for a moment. "Toothpaste."

"Toothpaste," I said. "Guess she was going for that minty fresh feel."

"I had no idea. I couldn't figure that one out - toothpaste."

She must've had a really bad cavity.

(Be sure to tip your waiters and waitresses - we'll be here all week. Hat-tip to Pat for that one.)